True Love Lies
by chasoedbfgooop12
Summary: First chapters of fanfic, Nessie is teenage and falling for Jake. But she has to decide if imprinting is right for her...and him. Taking in new direction after ch.3 truth. 1st fanfic, please R&R!


Reneesme is a teenager and her friendship with Jacob Black is stronger than ever. A blend of back story narration, from the point of view of Ness from end of Breaking Dawn to present. Looks into Reneesme's life as a teenager, and her developing feelings for Jacob.

i.) **Balance**

'Mom,' I called. 'Mom, I'm going to find Jake.'

'Did you finish all your coursework?' She asked, knowing I probably could have, but hadn't been quite bothered to.

'Yes, Mom,' I replied, giving as much enthusiasm to the topic of American History as I could, 'It's all done, I've even annotated the research I found.'

Grandpa and Nanna had been great at helping me fill in the blanks that text books couldn't provide; like _our_ history around that time. I hadn't let it creep into my work too much, just and hint and a flavour here and there. I knew my teachers probably wouldn't understand, but would give me an A anyway; it wasn't like I didn't know as much than them, and sometimes I thought older teachers had faint memories of my parents lingering in their subconscious, but even so, my unique take on the world was admired in its own right. Uncle Jazz described scenes for me, filling me with emotions and senses I could picture in my mind and Auntie Alice had helped by sketching pictures of scenes Uncle Jasper couldn't quite get right. All in all I was very pleased with my work, and thought about taking it to show Jake.

He always liked seeing what I'd done at school, in fact, he liked everything that interested or pleased me. He'd given me a lot of his time and patience when I'd decided to try a musical instrument, and gone for the clarinet instead of the piano like Dad wanted. Once I'd destroyed the mouthpiece (not just the reed, but actually bitten through the top of the mouthpiece) for the third time, Dad had said he'd buy me new parts, but couldn't teach me anymore.

'I just don't know if this is the right instrument for you, Nessie,' he said, quite gently, but with finality. 'I can't see you getting to grips with something this, well, _delicate_. Pianos are more robust y'know, they can take a bit of force, and sometimes sound better for it. I know you can be good at anything, when you put your mind to it, but something's distracting you, and I just don't think your heart is in it.'

Dad had been partly right, I could be good at anything when I thought about it, but it wasn't just the instrument that I couldn't get right, it was my music. I'd grown up around the beautiful melodies of my father's piano playing, Auntie Alice singing, and watching the way the music moved my family. My mother had especially fond memories of her lullaby, from a time when I hardly knew her. I could recall the song with perfect clarity, and her face when I played it to her in my mind the first time we really 'talked.' Since then, music had been such a joyful thing to me, enhancing my memories and evocative of the time. When I came to play, I favoured jazz, it's less formal style, still full of fun and happiness, but so free and creative. It was like my personality shone in my music. The change began gradually, so at first I didn't notice what I was doing. My playing became more bluesy, with an edge to it I'd not felt before. It was like I was playing a new emotion, but I couldn't quite describe it. It was tied up with my best friend, Jacob Black.

My friends at school had noticed him, and my obvious attachment to my best friend. I could see what they meant when they said he was good looking, but he was more than that. The warewolf, the protector, my strength and assurance when I felt I had none. It was rare for me to feel like that, but surrounded by so many other teenagers at school, it was hard not to pick up on the insecurities of others, and think them my own. Jacob was a refuge in a very hormone filled world. With this on my mind, I couldn't quite get back to the care-free happiness of my playing, and the more I thought about him in my life, the harder it seemed to play. I just couldn't get the balance right. Was he with me because I needed him? Or because he'd promised my parents to be there? I was so different from the kids at school, so strong, so advanced, that sometimes he was the only one who could ever understand it wasn't for lack of trying that I couldn't get this right.

Jake had been the one to help me find the balance I needed. He understood more than most the knowledge of immense physical power, but the need to temper it with his human restraint.

'It's not about you controlling it, it doesn't work that way.' He'd once told me, when we were out walking after another clarinet had crumbled in my hands. 'You've got to relax into that part of yourself that feels it's vulnerability. Here,' he said, offering his little finger, 'practise on this.'

It would have felt truly moronic had anybody else been there, but it was just us sitting out in the forest, taking in the spring scenery around the reservation where Jake lived. Still, I had to laugh, he hadn't voluntarily offered to let me bite him in a long while. I'd grown out of needing to be fed with quite such regularity after a few years, and could temper my thirst with regular food from the fridge, so I could hunt with Mom and Dad. It meant I didn't bite Jake anymore, either. Not that he minded, as he healed so quickly, but I'd started to feel self-conscious about it.

Jake wiggled his finger at me. 'Come on, I'll tell you if you're biting down too hard. That way, you can even out the pressure, and finally play a tune on that thing.' He grinned and I smiled. 'You won't get mad if I accidentally...?'

'No,' he said. 'Just don't bite it all the way off, that'd just be a pain, and we'd have to cut the walk short so your Grandpa could sew it back on again before it healed over.' It was kind of a gross thought, but it made me determined not to hurt Jake, to get it right and find the balance.

'Okay,' I said, pulling a face and grabbing his wrist, 'come here.' He stopped wiggling his finger at once, and held his hand quite still an inch or two from my mouth. That silly feeling crept over me again. 'You'll tell me if I hurt you?'

'You'll know before I do, I reckon.' was Jake's reply. I thought I understood; I'd probably taste his blood before he realised the skin was broken, Still, I was going to be very careful. I took a deep breath, and my heart fluttered a bit more than usual. I lowered my focus to his little finger. I curled my lower lip over my bottom teeth, imagining Jake's finger was the reed. I rested just the tip of his little finger on my lip, and slowly, gently, positioned my front teeth on the first knuckle. My top lip closed the gaps around his finger and I chanced a look at his face. He seemed bemused, more than anything, and gave me a wolfish grin.

'See?' He said,' Nothing to worry about, you got the pressure perfect.'

I was bolstered by his words and smiled, still careful not to bite down. I playfully practised notes on his arm, moving my fingers lightly across his warm skin. His smile was broader. 'Want to back and try for real? I bet you could hit those upper register notes now, with a few less splinters.' 'Okay,' I said, letting my hands drop to lift his hand away from me, 'how about some jazz?'

'Hmm?' he replied, not quite listening, 'yeah, cool, whatever you feel like.' He flexed his hand in a way that seemed oddly familiar and rested it on his knee. He knew jazz suited me, those soaring highs and stunning lows, it was an un-tameable form of music, so free and yet beautiful. 'Let's head back.'

In the weeks that had passed since then, I'd been pulling away from being quite so close to him as that again, not sure what I was feeling or why I was feeling it. I thought about his hand, reacting to my touch, and I wondered if it had bothered him. I was trying to remember where I'd seen it before. Mom loved reading the classics, but I was a much more visual person, and preferred the DVD. It came to me one evening, drifting to sleep with a Kiera Knightley version of _Pride and Prejudice _on my laptop. It was the way Darcey reacted to Elizabeth holding his hand as she got into a carriage. The first signs of more than a passing interest in her. His action was scripted as unconscious, as Jake's was, and I wondered if it had the same intent behind it as the one on screen did. Still, even if I hoped I'd stopped looking like a kid to Jake, I never thought he would see me as anything more than his friend. He couldn't could he? He knew me too well.

With this in mind I'd started looking at colleges in earnest. If I was going to get an inappropriate crush on my best friend, I'd better find some distractions to keep me occupied from dwelling on what would never be. I'd been working hard, seeing Jake less and less, the time I'd spend with him much less than I'd like. I kept to myself mostly, doing research and making sure my coursework was beyond reproach. At night I's stare out into the dark, the night's staring blackness judging the darker thoughts I'd have. My parents noticed, but didn't seem keen to quiz me on my new behavior. I just needed some time to work this out, and they seemed to respect it. So did Jake, although this was harder to take than I thought it would be. He wasn't as eager when I suggested meeting up, and often excused himself early with a 'pack-related' issue. I was wondering if he was pulling away from me. Perhaps this was what he had been waiting for, some excuse to finally get rid of me and get on with his own life? Worse still, this thought made me more determined to see him, like I didn't have much time left. I wanted to make the most of it, even if our days were numbered. I wanted to make sure this friendship of a lifetime ended on my terms, and that I wasn't going to wallow, but to look forward to the prospect of starting again...

My mind drifted back to the present, still clutching my essay in my left hand. I put it back on the desk and sat on my bed for a moment. No, I decided, I wouldn't show this to Jake. He'd had enough of high school, and as soon as he'd graduated he was so excited he nearly phased, right there in front of everyone. Quil and Embry had been on hand, Quil taking the diploma before it could combust with him, and Embry rugby tackled Jake into the woods. He came back momentarily, to hug me and have a photo with his Dad, but still. School was finished as far as Jake was concerned, and I wasn't going to be the one to drag him back there.

'I'll be back later,' I called through to the other room, 'don't wait up!'

'You know we will,' answered Mom, 'but nice try anyway. Have fun, darling.'

I threw my essay aside and headed out the door.

ii.) **Rules**

Running over the little trails to Jacob Black's house was so familiar it was second nature, almost as if his house was an extension of my own. He'd always been in my life, and I'd always felt I could share things with him. Anything with him, in fact. He listened to anything I had to say with such rapped attention I sometimes found it hard to stop. A huge yawn, or pointed snoring usually told me he had to leave, but he was always kind about it. 'You know I'd stay and listen if I could.' he used to say.

Mom and Dad had set out a few ground rules when I was old enough to go to Jake's by myself. I probably looked like I was nearing the end of high school, around sixteen for the average teenager. The first rule was to be honest. This covered nearly everything else, but it meant a lot to me that my parents trusted me, and I wasn't going to break that. It meant if I was going to stay late for a bonfire, I had to tell them in advance, or if we went further than the state line on a hunt I was to call. Mostly it was for Mom, for her peace of mind, but also for Dad. Although his natural abilities far outshone mine and he knew was I was thinking, he appreciated honesty in our relationship so it didn't feel so much like prying. Every now and then Dad would ask something about Jacob, and mostly my mind flitted to his big, wolfish grin, some fun time we'd shared or something silly that had tumbled out of his mouth before he had time to think it through. Dad was happy with us being in each other's lives, happy that we had each other. But things were changing, and it wasn't that simple anymore.

The only person who knew my whole story was Jacob, and some of it he probably knew better than I did. That was rule number two: Jacob wasn't to tell me some things till my seventeenth birthday, and I wasn't to try and prise them out of him. Jacob was happy enough with this rule, even though it frustrated me no end sometimes. I know Jake just wanted me to grow up happy, with as much of a normal childhood as I could hope for, but I didn't like him keeping things from me. After all, I didn't keep anything from him, so how was that fair? But I knew better than to push it. I wasn't even sure was it _was_ that I wasn't supposed to know. Maybe he was good at avoiding those topics. Maybe the threat of my Dad was sufficient to keep him quiet. Or maybe it was that he just had my best interest at heart, and and I should be satisfied with a 'later.'

No matter how 'normal' my life was purported to be, I could never tell everything to my friends at school. I had a few close mates in my year, and sat with a friendly enough group in the canteen at lunch, but mostly it was just the assumptions that were made about me that held me in place. I was the adopted niece of my father, Edward Cullen, who had married his childhood sweetheart Bella Swan the summer of their graduation. Shortly after their honeymoon the tragic death of both my parents had brought me to live with them. While I grieved and they adjusted to married life with a supposed teenager, we moved away from Forks. But now, adjusted to life with the Cullen family, I started school where hopefully I would graduate with my peers.

Well, that was the story. In fact, Bella and Edward Cullen were my biological parents, with all the twists and turns that a half-human, half-vampire conception could bring. I had grown quickly in my loving parents home, our extended family protecting us when I was very young. I remember much from that time, but none of it happy. My Jacob had been there, right from the beginning, and not left my side since. After the threat to us all had passed, we'd remained in the Pacific Northwest, though not always in Forks, so as to hide my age better. Only Grandad Swan was 'in' on how special I really was, and even then not completely. 'Need to know, kiddo, need to know.'

Since my accelerated growth nearly matched my accelerated learning, I was able to fit comfortably into high school life in no time, even if it somewhat bored me during lessons, my friendships and socalising were important to me. My mom in particular didn't want me to miss my 'human' experiences, as they'd been called when she was just a bit older than me. 'You'll hate me occasionally now, but thank me later.' she'd said, on more than one occasion. The truth was, I enjoyed it all, the socialising, the competitions, the clubs. I'd always had a way with people when it came to making friends, even without my unusual gift for being able to put pictures into people's mind through touch. It wasn't just I wanted to be friends with them, more they wanted to be friends with me. This made me happy no end, and I loved to be out at the cinema, shopping and eating with my group of friends. Well, it used to be all.

Recently I'd been thinking a lot about Jacob. I tried to think of a time when he hadn't been around, if I hadn't seen him every day. And I just couldn't; not one day stuck out in my mind when it hadn't begun, involved or ended with him. Life was changing, I was changing, and it looked like to me I'd be doing college without the help of my best friend. And I wanted it all, the college experience, the education that stretched me, the new friends... but even though I loved my parents and would miss them dearly, it was not the relationship that pained me to think about giving up. Jacob had been there for everything; losing him would be like losing a limb, a part of myself and I wouldn't function the same without him. I probed this feeling, questioning it further. Why now? What had changed? Those embarrassed feelings I had weeks ago surfaced, thinking about biting him in the forest. What _was_ that? I'd been so sure, for so long, that Jacob was my friend, was what I was thinking going to ruin everything? My story was so unique, I was sure that I would never find anyone I trusted as much as I trusted Jake to confide in, but I didn't want to stop him from living his own life. I wanted him to be just as happy as I was, with friends and family, which I knew he had, but I wanted him to have someone like I had him... didn't I? What if I needed him, but he didn't need me?

I was thinking about this as I approached the Black's back door, knocking gently as I walked in. Jake often enjoyed running at night, on the look out for new hostilities to the peaceful life that we'd created. He slept late, but hardly ever missed dinner. He was much too big and hungry for that. I found him watching TV.

'Hey Jake,' I said, curling up on the opposite end of the sofa from him, 'had a good afternoon?' The sun was low, but warm, filling the cozy house with amber shafts of light.

'Yeah, not bad, the Pack's been working in reduced shifts, there's so little going on. I've just been catching up with world events.' He laughed, quickly flipping channels from _Animals do the Craziest Things_ to 24-hour news. 'What's new with you?'

'I've finished some History assignment early, so I thought I'd come slum it with you.' I teased, absent-mindedly poking my foot into his thigh. He noticed my abstraction and paused for a moment as if to say something, then thought better of it. Instead he grabbed my foot and whipped off my shoe, tickling my foot.

'Cut it out, Jake! I was only messing! You know I always love being around you.'

He replaced my shoe. I sat still, slightly embarrassed at what I'd said. It's not that is wasn't true. It sounded more true than I thought it would. Stronger, with a new feeling simmering behind it. I tried to smile.

'That's better,' he said, 'Anything wrong? You seem pretty quiet today. Usually you're telling me everything before I've even asked,' he joked. 'What's up?'

'You're always here, Jake. Why is that?'

His forehead creased. 'What? On the sofa?'

'No, silly,' I said, turning to face him, 'I mean, you're always around La Push and Forks, you never go anywhere. You must have some longing to see other places, bigger cities, open wilderness, snow, sun, another culture... everything. You're done with school, why don't you travel?'

'Why would I do that?' he asked, looking confused.

'Because you're young, you're not ageing, and the world is your oyster! There's so much out there, don't you want to see it? Experience it?'

'Not now, I don't,' he said, seeming to finally understand my questions, 'I'm the alpha, remember? I've got a duty to the Res. The born protector and all that. Besides, I got to look out for you too, and you're not going anywhere till you've finished school. Where you go, I go.'

But what did that mean? Was that my best friend looking out for me? Or the man who looked at me now, thinking about us, together, as I had been these past weeks? Would he rebuff me? Think me stupid? I felt fear, and I had to control it. I was on my own in these feelings, and I'd better get used to it. The sooner school was over the better. I'd be away from the confusion, only the pain of loss would remain. I tried to sound braver than I felt.

'Is this about the promise you made to my parents? Because I don't understand, Jake. You've kept me safe and don't think I don't appreciate that, but I'm all grown up now, I've got less than a year left of school, then I'm off to college, if I want. Mom said I could if I found a place I want to go. And I want to, Jake, I want to go and see the world for myself. You said it yourself, there's just nothing going on around here. You're watching dogs run into glass doors on daytime TV!'

He looked angry then, and switched the TV off with the remote.

'Look, this conversation's taking a wrong turn. I'm not going anywhere because there's nowhere I want to go right now. I want to be here, for the Res. and for...' but he stopped short, angry with himself. 'It's not up to me.' He said finally.

'I'm thinking I'm close to those questions I can't ask. And I think I'm only going to make this worse. I'd better go.' I turned to leave, confused with myself with what had brought on these questions. 'I'm sorry, Jake, I didn't mean to... I just wonder sometimes what holds a great guy like you to a place like this.'

I got up to leave, but he reached out to stop me.

'It's you.' He said it quietly, knowing in that instant that everything had changed.

iii.) **Truth**

I sat back down.

'Me?'

You're my imprint, Ness, my..." He shook his head, like he didn't want to say it wrong.

'Remember how when you were little, I used to take you out for the day? Like babysitting? Only, it was never a chore for me. I _wanted_ to make the day fun for you. We'd go to the beach, and we'd draw pictures in the sand. And you got older, but you couldn't go to school quite then, so we'd come to the Res. to hang out with the pack? You'd listen to all the stories and sit and play with Emily? You became part of the family, Ness, my family. Then you started school, and you'd come over, full of stories about the kids, and your confidence with them grew. You told me about it all, like I was someone you could confide in.'

I knew all this, I could picture the memories in my head, a haze of warm feeling about the happiness of my childhood about them. But my emotions had changed, it wasn't like that anymore.

'Then a few weeks back you came to me, all distracted by what your Dad had said about your clarinet playing. And I wanted to help, I wanted you to be able to play, so I did what I usually do and tried to find some way to make a game of it. But something changed, something was different about the way you were with me, and I was worried I'd upset you. It made me wonder... Your Dad told me to stay away, let you figure it out on your own. But you were unhappy. I couldn't make any promises, - you know there's not been one day of your life we haven't seen each other? Well, that I've not seen you. That feeling you've had? About something in the forest? It's just me. I just needed to check you were doing alright.'

His eyes were pleading now, searching for understanding, for some reassurance from me that I knew his excuses and absences had been for me. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. So he knew my feelings had changed, and needed to let me down gently. He continued,

'When they said I shouldn't see you anymore, that you were confused, I tried to see it their way. They want you to be happy, and it seemed to them as if I was the one stopping you.'

'Jake, I said softly, 'you've never stopped me from being my own person, you've supported me and guided me, you've never betrayed my trust. It seemed to me that _I _was stopping _you_, and I couldn't bear it. I had to do something, to try and let you off the hook. College and leaving, I thought about it seriously as a way to let you go. I can't claim you.'

He looked at me defiantly, 'Why not? What if I want to be claimed? Think about it, really think about it Ness. I'm not letting you be this miserable, not when me being in your life can change that.'

'I can't take it Jake! Your not mine to own, it's not my responsibility to make you happy! It's your own. So what makes you happy?'

He looked speechless, wounded. I'd hurt him, the last thing I wanted to do. 'Please, Jake, anything, just tell me anything that will make you happy.'

'I thought my happiness wasn't up to you?' he retorted, then in a flash his face softened. 'I don't understand your reaction though, I thought I knew just about everything there is to know about you. When did you stop feeling and start thinking everything? You're such a passionate soul, I know you feel things, and I know you're worried about what I'll say if you tell me how you _really_ feel. But you won't know until you ask me. So please, Ness, for me, just show me what you're feeling.'

That was all I needed to hear, all he had to say. I held his gaze, as fire burned in my eyes, and, heart blazing I pressed the palm of my hand to his neck. His pulse quickened as the images appeared, a lifetime of hope and joy and happiness, and him, always him, in so many ways and so many times the focus of my thoughts and dreams. Recent thoughts, much sharper than the rose-tinted ones of childhood where a new longing coloured my thoughts. A new knowledge of the man who stood before me, returning my gaze. And fear of emptiness without him. Fear of rejection, of loss, of emptiness... I closed my eyes to the pain, and his arms were round me now, holding me to him. I replayed the moment in my mind, asking what it meant.

'Nothing will make me happy without you,' he said, clear and out loud.

'Are you sure? What if I'm not... I'm not what you...'

'I'm sure.' And as he spoke I opened my eyes, seeing the truth that I heard in his words. He needed me like I needed him, he wanted me like I wanted him, and neither of us was going to let go. I moved my hand from his neck to his face, and he cradled my cheek in his palm.

'So no tears, okay?' he whispered, as he leaned down to kiss away the tears on my cheek. 'You're my imprint Ness, I'll be whatever you need me to be. And I'm all yours.'


End file.
